Saturday, 1 January 2011

Lessons learned and new year's resolutions

The Cat's Eye Nebula - a dying star.
2010 was a year of change. I did something I meant to have done for a long time, I took a break from the full-time office job and volunteered for causes I believe in — worked on organic farms, visited an eco-community, collaborated with an anti-gmo organization, saw breathtaking nature, spent more time with family and met incredibly inspiring people.

This last ride around the sun was crazily tumultuous but also provided plenty of learning/growing opportunities. I learned we can't run away from our creation. I learned that there are a lot of courageous people out there, doing what they believe is right. I learned how much power people give away to each other, mostly unconsciously, and how destructive this can be. I learned how we often confuse dependence and attachment with real happiness. I learned that there's nothing out there that will miraculously heal the inner grieving or forever fulfil our happiness expectations. I learned that you can't willingly wipe memories or change the past. I learned that we don't stare into space often enough. I learned that you can't force anyone to feel what you feel... nor would that be right. I learned how important it is to show you care... while you can. I learned that it's not where you are and what you do that matters as much as who you're with and how you do it.

However, the main revelation of all this year was to discover how shockingly little I know myself, as I observed my ego's insecurities hurt the one I cared for the most, sabotage a loving relationship and dissolve lifelong dreams, overnight. Let this be my lesson from 2010 and learning how to assume responsibility for the consequences of my own (perceived) mistakes, my 2011 resolution. Well that and saving the world... after all aren't those one and the same? Happy new year.

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